


Behind New Eyes

by ChasingtheCosmos



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/M, Nine is sad and I miss him, idek, series 2 summary, sorry don't know how to tag this, you'll also have to excuse the cheesy title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22806295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingtheCosmos/pseuds/ChasingtheCosmos
Summary: "I am a ghost, now.  I am an echo of days gone by.  I am the drifting string of smoke left behind after a flame has been blown out.  I am the last desperate gasp of a dying man."A series of drabbles (100 words each) following the course of Series 2 told from the POV of the Ninth Doctor, who is forced to watch in silence while a new man takes his place in Rose's life.Absolute angst - no happy endings here, I'm afraid.
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	1. The Parting of the Ways

**Author's Note:**

> This was a project I did almost a decade ago on a different website and under a different title and username. I randomly thought of it the other day and discovered that it is basically the only old fanfiction that I still have access to, so I decided to rework it and post it here!  
> I forgot how fun and challenging drabbles can be! I hope to do more of these in the future.

The Doctor does not fear death, but unfortunately, I am no longer the Doctor.

It was almost ironic - how I was born into the heat and ash of war only to end up back in the flames again. Another might have found the phoenix-like regeneration poetic, but I’ve never really been one for metaphors.

The last thing I see is Rose’s fearful expression. I know that she doesn't understand, but I am selfish and I don't want to face this new man alone. I need her to stay - to see her smile one last time; to know she forgives me.


	2. Born Again

I am a ghost, now. I am an echo of days gone by. I am the drifting string of smoke left behind after a flame has been blown out. I am the last desperate gasp of a dying man.

Everything I once was is reduced to memory as the Doctor and Rose discover his hair and sideburns and mole.

I watch as Rose tries to find my reflection in this stranger's eyes. I wonder if she sees a hint of blue in brown as I stare out at her from inside of my new prison - and then we are crashing.


	3. The Christmas Invasion

The Doctor tries to give Rose a nice Christmas, but instead he ends up abandoning her again. I can hear her screaming for me, but this Doctor's new body is useless as his cells burn with the after-effects of the time vortex.

When he finally regains consciousness, I watch as he fumbles awkwardly about. Blimey, but he's got a gob - and still not ginger. He's entirely foreign, but already Rose is beginning to accept him. I find that jealousy stings the same, even after nine-hundred years.

 _It's gonna be fantastic!_ the Doctor exclaims. The stolen words make me cringe.


	4. New Earth

Some part of me _knows_ that it's not Rose from the very start, but when she grabs the Doctor's face and pulls it to her own, it becomes harder to remember. It's still _her_ lips, and even buried within the shadows of the Doctor's head, I can feel their heat.

Cassandra's consciousness chokes and claws ruthlessly against me. _You've been looking!_ she teases Rose.

This Doctor's body is young and slim. He was born in love rather than war. I wonder if Rose has marked the difference. I wonder if she misses jumpers and leather as much as I do.


	5. Tooth and Claw

The Doctor slips into his new Scottish accent as easily as he slipped into this new body. I am bombarded once more with jealousy that defies reason. The light-hearted banter between him and Rose does not help.

I tell myself she's acclimatizing so easily because she still sees a shred of me left in him, but the darker part of my mind knows that she's already stopped looking for me. She's much too enthralled with the shiny new Time Lord at her side. He even has the knighthood to complete the picture of perfection.

At least he's out ten quid.


	6. School Reunion

Sarah Jane Smith. It's hard to believe that I almost forgot her. I soothe myself with the fact that I had more pressing matters (namely, an all-consuming war) to occupy my thoughts and distract me from past companions.

But Rose is unsettled by her sudden reappearance in the Doctor's life. I silently curse him when he values his own future heartbreak over Rose's current unhappiness. I wasted my life on doubt - it seemed that this man would waste his on fear.

He can't even say the word, when it comes down to it. It fills us both with burning shame.


	7. The Girl in the Fireplace

I like Reinette, but it seems that the Doctor likes her even more. Though I can't disagree with him for saving her life, there's a certain cavalier attitude about him that makes me question his motives.

"My lonely angel" she calls him. I was lonely once - after I watched my entire race fall into the void. Rose changed that - she changed everything.

I'm glad when the Doctor says his last goodbyes to Reinette, even if it's not in the way he would have wished. For once, my thoughts mirror his exactly, as we both mourn the women we can never have.


	8. Rise of the Cybermen & The Age of Steel

As soon as I catch sight of the advertisement with Pete Tyler's face plastered all over it, I know that there is trouble ahead. Rose almost destroyed an entire world to save her father once. I know that as long as she is in a universe where he exists, she will not easily let him go again.

But Pete Tyler is not the only ghost here. When the cybermen show up, things just go from bad to worse. It seems that some enemies are never truly defeated, regardless of the universe. I sense that this story has been left unfinished.


	9. The Idiot's Lantern

It's strange to see Rose without a face. My mind automatically tries to fill the blank spaces with the features that I've come to know and love so intimately. Those hollows are where her soft brown eyes should be - sparkling with excitement and just a hint of mischief. That space is where her mouth was usually placed - curved up into a sweet but sarcastic smile. But now they are all gone; gobbled up by the ravenous wire.

When I finally see her grin restored, it is the most precious gift - I only wish that it were for me.


	10. The Impossible Planet & The Satan Pit

I've faced all sorts of monsters throughout time and space, but I don't regret having to miss this one. As always, though, Rose is trapped right in the middle of it.

When the Doctor descends into the bottomless pit - risking everything in an attempt to save the lives of the people above - I can feel the words rising up and threatening to choke him. I beg for him to release the confession that I can taste on the tip of his tongue, but the Doctor is still a coward, so _I love her_ , simply turns into, _Oh, she knows_.


	11. Love and Monsters

I've seen strange pairings before, but Elton and Ursula seem to be a category all their own. Apparently, true love really knows no bounds. I wish I could have had the honor of meeting them myself. The hope they instill in the Doctor might have been enough to give me the confidence I needed to pursue my own ridiculous desires. It's certainly enough to give the Doctor a brash sense of over-confidence, which leaves me feeling nervously apprehensive.

Having already been the Doctor, I have an intimate knowledge of how brash and reckless he can be when he abandons caution.


	12. Fear Her

The space between my hearts burns as the Doctor takes Rose's hand in his in a silent declaration of solidarity. I wonder if he will mourn her touch as deeply as I do when he eventually joins me in this prison.

I suspect he understands the gravity of the situation when he solemnly murmurs, _Never say never ever._

I can feel time closing in around them as keenly as he can. _Everything has it's time,_ I warn him knowingly.

 _Not this time, not Rose, I won't allow it._ His voice is more plea than command and it fools no one.


	13. Army of Ghosts & Doomsday

For the first time since my death, I find myself pitying the Doctor. At last I can sympathize with him. Loving and losing Rose Tyler was no easy feat.

I can feel every last bit of him breaking apart and shattering in despair. Each of Rose's helpless sobs hits him like a physical blow, stripping away another layer and leaving him raw and vulnerable.

She chokes out the three words that the Doctor could never manage to confess. His reply is too late, and suddenly I'm losing her all over again. She's gone, out of my reach. Forever, this time.


End file.
